No second halves exist
We all enjoy beautiful love stories. But do you really believe that there might be your ideal half somewhere in the world? To find one within seven billions of people on Earth would be an endless quest. If some power would create such a cruel quest, you would at least have some hints. As far as we know we were created to be able to live by ourselves. And even if you need a liver transplant, it doesn’t mean that it is the hint for finding your second half.
The good news are that everything is much easier. There are people who match each other’s needs and preferences. And there are people who don’t. Some of them perfectly match. The other can work harder and still create great couples. The things is that you have a lot of options for creating a couple. You don’t need to wait for some mysterious signs that it is your second half. Don’t waste your life looking for an arrow in the sky that would lead you to your perfect second half.
Sometimes we have to deal with the breakups. A person who yesterday was one of the closest people to you starts living her own life and we have to live with it. But there are some ways to make this process not so painful.
First of all, if you want to forget a person, you have to decrease the time you spend with her, both in the real life and online. Stop going to the places where you can meet her or places that remind you about your happiest moments together. Stop checking her profile every day. Our brain works like that. If you don’t see a person for a long time, you stop thinking about this person as often and start forgetting about that person.
At the same time, you have to increase the number of other contacts with women you find attractive. It doesn’t mean that you have to start dating someone the next day after a breakup. But it will distract your mind and you will start analyzing other possible matches. It is also a great chance to make your life more interesting.
Check the calendar for professional conferences and events. It is always engaging to discuss the latest news in the industry with an attractive lady than spending your time sulking.
Write a list of hobbies you have ever wanted to try. You don’t need to spend a fortune on a brand new climbing equipment or buying a canoe. You can always rent things. But the more active life you live, the more contacts you have the easier it will be to get over the breakup. And that is exactly what you need if you trying to forget your old love.
And if you aren’t in a mood for visiting a sculpturing club for the first time, there are always bars and pubs, museums, free walking tours, etc.
There is always something going on around you. And it takes about ten minutes of Internet surfing to find out those things. Just do the first step. Your brain will do everything else for you. You don’t even notice when you turn your head to analyze who is sitting next to you in the coffee shop. The same happens everywhere. Just provide your brain a chance to forget a person who is not going to make you happy.
There is no “right” that is created by someone except of you and your partner
We tend to believe that there is some secret knowledge, one right answer for all questions. But there is nothing like that. There are rules, which have been set up by the society within the whole period of its evolution. It doesn’t mean that you have to follow all of those rules.
You have the right to decide what is good for you. As well as your partner has the right to decide what is good for her. If you can exist as a couple, being happy in this couple, you can decide what is good for both of you in this relationship. If it doesn’t harm anyone, what’s bad about it, right?
It i necessary to remember that. It would be great if you could take the pattern of successful relationship of your parents or friends and implement that pattern in your life. But it doesn’t work like that all of the time. Those people are happy because they find the type of relationship that perfectly works for them. It doesn’t mean that it would work as good for someone else.
Relationship are great for curious people. While building relationship, you have to explore and analyze. That is why your previous experience couldn’t be always applicable to every next relationship you are starting to develop. Every new person comes with her own unique combinations of factors that influence your liaison. And you definitely have to take it into consideration while building your own succeeding scheme.
We often hear that we have to work on our relationships. But what does that actually mean? We already discussed a few practices to make our romantic life more diverse. It is just one of the directions. Love is often about emotions. It is strongly bounded to emotions we feel. We already know that people tend to fall in love when they feel strong emotions. For example, when you go with your friend to a trip together. There is just you and her. You spend a lot of time together, so your attention is captured by her and vice versa. At the same time, your attention isn’t distracted by other objects (or other attractive females). There is a great chance that you would start feeling something for your friend. For that reason people often have affairs at work. It is understandable. Two people spend 8 hours together day after day. They find each other sexually attractive. The focus is narrowed. Not everyone can resist the temptation.
But when we build long-term relationships, they form emotional stratification. It means that it is a much more complex system. But it is still ruled by neurological processes and if we want our romantic relationships last longer, we have to feed them with bright emotions and new experiences. It might be challenging, as we all tend to maintain our relationships in a stable state. This is called the homeostasis law. And that is what make us settle into a routine. But routine is not romantic. Routine is not sexy. Routine is not passionate. It means that you have to make your hormones and neurotrophins work in the particular way to keep this amazing feeling of romantic love in your couple. And that is one of the ways to work on your relationship.
We already talked about the fact that we can’t plan emotions. But what we can do is to plan romantic evenings, unusual dates, unexpected trips, provocative games and many other things that would make your lover have an unforgettable experience. And it will probably help you to break a routine from time to time too.
If you aren’t the spontaneous type, it is not a problem. You can always write a list of things you want to try with you partner and add notifications to your calendar. If you forget to do nice things to your girlfriend, do the same, stick to the plan.
You can always choose the system that works for you.